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about
Wow, so much to say here.
This song started as a sort of reflective essay I wrote during my Sophomore year of college. I was a music major at this point, but I was extremely unhappy on that path, so one of the ways I dealt with the dissatisfaction and anxiety was to write letters to myself. I pulled inspiration for the words from the cyclical nature of the intrusive thoughts that made it hard to focus on getting better. The most notable line to demonstrate this is in the first verse: "My mind keeps shuffling through... scrolling around / in countless circles / on an iPod dial / I'm scratching my thoughts, like needles / along the old records of my heart." My gut was telling me there had to be better, healthier opportunities ahead but I was too nervous and stubborn to confront the uncomfortable.
I turned these words into a song less than one year ago. I recorded it less than two months ago. From first draft to now, there have been many changes. I'll probably want to change it all over again down the road, but for now, here it is exactly as we recorded it (over a weekend when I was secretly sick as a dog).
It is a great joy to bring you my first recorded song, "Shuffle."
lyrics
My mind
keeps shuffling through
all of my options,
on repeat,
scrolling around (and 'round)
in countless circles,
on an iPod dial.
Scratching my thoughts like needles,
along the old records of my heart.
Asking myself,
"What song am I in the mood for now?"
I think it's time
for a lovely lull-goodbye.
What should I play?
How bout an old, familiar tune?
No, it would only
hurt my ears
again and again.
Should I try
a completely new and different genre?
No idea
what I'd get myself into.
Maybe for now,
no music should
be present at all.
I think it's time
for a lovely lull-goodbye.
credits
released May 21, 2018
All my gratitude to:
-Mat Poole, for walking me through the recording process and putting up with all my mistakes (and the constant "I'm sorry"s).
-Ryan Jensen, for gifting me with this opportunity, for your unconditional love and support, and for your incredible musicianship that lead to this beautiful arrangement.
-Tyler Wells, for pushing me outside of my comfort zone more than two years ago.
-Kayla Henry, for loving on me in so many ways, introducing me to a different kind of faith, and encouraging me to trust myself.
-Eason Taylor, for being my partner in neuroticism (lol), who helped me find the courage to finally release my music regardless of the self-perceived "imperfections."
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